Aaah. School was getting sleepier by the day. I must will myself to wake and pay attention. I must I must I must. Mugger. Bugger. We had Student Facilitator meeting just now. Rained. It seemed spiteful for when I neared the gate it just gotten heavier. Luckily a nice kind soul sheltered me to the other side so that i would not glow. Even though I got her wet. I am guilty.

Guilt guilt guilt. That is all I talk about. It is even hard to keep that smile on forever. Felt like lashing out at someone, just anyone to vent my anger on. I saw a fight broke out in school, over a girl apparently. I was there on my wishing I could do such.

"Tomorrow", "don't worry", "everything is going to be fine". Such words an optimist used. Such lies they told. Snap. The world's gone hailwire. It is going to end soon. There's no tomorrow. What if you were to wake up tomorrow to find yourself facing the Almighty? What if you were to find out that dang, water's gone, we can't live, there's no food, a crazy meteorite is going to crash on us, we're definitely dying now.

Sheeshness. Getting bitter. I shall immerse myself in Math. Delirium.

ofblack&white
8:29 PM

It was a lost without words, pain without gain, crab without shell, pencil without lead kind of day. Simply-meaning, it felt pointless. My moodswing was akin to the apes in the jungle, wildly jumping from one place to another. Just this entirely pointless entry just about proved my point. I flared up slightly and I am guilty about it. Sorry Xj.

Blahblah. Iletitslipaway like sand. My God. I never felt so... ^%&^*( in my life abotu certain things. Just about left me empty. Too heavy a facade to put up. Pray I'll be ok tomorrow.

=.= It felt just about pointless as I said. Sucky day. I just reached home at such a Godforsaken hour, and I'm expected to finish two essay outlines. Fuck is.

Better start now. Sigh.

ofblack&white
10:46 PM

I'm really groggy on Sunday afternoons so do not message me during that time. I'll just be lazing and sleeping around like a pig. Sigh.

So a dear friend is very much in love and it is such a wonder how it changed him. =D Really a wonder how it can change such a sarcatically lame sceptical person like him. Oh well. At least he is waiting. I cannot even wait. There's nothing to wait for. There is no doubt about. =.= Sigh.

At the end of the day when you make your choice,
it's not who you can be with,
but who you cannot be without.
For me,
that's YOU.

Nice dream in the afternoon. Butterflies. Wow.

ofblack&white
9:34 PM

Excessive boredom dirves one up the wall. I'm scaling one by now. =.= Because Zy and a few others indulge in this... survey, I thought maybe I'd try it out myself.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=bili
If you are bored and have some time to burn, visit that website and be nice and honest.

Anyway Math lecture was on in the morning. And I stress again, whatever happened to 5-day week? Lol. We had a strangely fun time staring at each other when the other yawned like a hippo. Honestly, it's just that morning lectures lasting for nearly 2 hours (no matter how exciting it is) are just natural killers.

Then Hamzah Heiwai Shengjian and I rushed off to NUS for the Seminar. It was interesting. Skits and slides to illustrate the answer to the question "Is colonialism a necessary evil?" It was a shame we didn't get to see two of the winning schools, which were MJC and CJC? I can't remember if it was CJ. Personally I like the one by RJC (or was it SAJC) because it was simple yet... nicely displayed. I like the music they chose for their skit.

Well we had refreshments and SOMEONE ate like a pig! Lol. We had a short talk by the NUS lecturers of the History faculty. They are, I swear, awesome and I don't know. Just cool? History lecturers and teachers, I find, tend to be different and charismatic and just plain cool. Like Mr Tay and whatnot. That Mr-Thwim-whats-his-name-i-forgot has one damn weird lineage. Product of colonialism, that's what he called himself. Well with someone of Burmese-Filipino-American-Spanish background you can't argue can you?

Lol. I'm just torturing my fingers practicing the pressure fan.
Was there ever a white more white, or a red more red, colder snow, or warmer blood?

ofblack&white
8:18 PM

Was so stinky when I got home. Training was training as it is. Saw Rachel and Jiamin running. Looked so pitiful.

So we had that Math test (the real thing) today. It was 15 minutes for 20 questions, didn't get me on helter-skelter over it. Heart attack and bluff was pretty out of the ordinary. I usually play taidee. Funny happenings.

Oh and yesterday was the Bring-A-Banana Day. I swear it sounded weird but it was frigging cool. Nice idea. By the council interns if I'm not mistaken. We bring a banana, and with the coupons they gave to us the day before, we could get a banana split! There's the basic flavours, and also cookies and cream, though that ran out when I came. Then there's the banana mascot. Really peculiar I must say. But an interesting idea nonetheless.

It's time I make my amends. I will never hurt you again...

ofblack&white
10:45 PM

I swear I have had the best dream of my life last night. It is weird though, that you know what you were dreaming about but the details didn't linger. Damn. Lol. I dreamt about you.

Did the whole lot of PT today. Sickening it is. There's the new System 11 something, which was kind of cool I must say. Zhong kept laughing so how to concentrate? Sigh. Interval running killed my lungs. Sigh. But it was fruitful I guess? No pain no gain.

Ah I've got the badges and the bag from Pepper. It is pretty. :)

I am sweaty, tired, tired, tired, and tired. I need to rest my bones, and start working on History.

PERSEVERE!! STOP YAKKING AND START WORKING! (that's what's written on my board...)

I love. :)

ofblack&white
8:08 PM

Technically, we students aren't given that many work. If we were given too much, teachers will just get sued for abusing us students. So why do we have so much to do everytime? Simple. Procrastination. Touchè. Sigh. If I had done my work over the weekends, divide my time out properly, maybe I would not have to rush like a mad hatter every night to meet datelines and study for tests that, recently, have the tendency to spring up every week.

It was a sleepy day, even though I slept relatively early yesterday. For the first time, I tried paying attention in GP lecture and suprisingly, proved to be quite interesting really. About the End Of the Age of Oil. Iraq-Kuwait war and all. Oh well in the end I slept halfway lol. Mayyee tried reviving me but all in vain lol.

Math was crazy I tell you. He gave us a test; 20 questions 5 minutes. Yes you read it right, it wasn't the other way round. I speed through like anything. In the end it was only a mock test. =.= Luckily I didn't keel over all the excitement and rush. My History result was really a blow. An AO. Did felt down over it and of course, the usual moans and groans, wailings and the why-can't-I-score-WHY routine. Sigh. I shall try harder.

Andrew Neo was cool. Relief-ed for Econs and his teaching method owns. Yesterday's Sa'adiah was slightly... weird but fairly good. Conclusion? Econs teachers are naturally weird.

Grant me wings so I can be your angel.

ofblack&white
10:49 PM

Like wow. A tremendous shock, no thanks to my dearest Fana. Mr Juff shall die soon, really really soon. Grr.

It really came as a shock, when she smsed me about... known stuff. I think Angie's neighbours on the second floor could hear me screaming to the phone. Ah. How can. I do not want the world to know, hence I'm keeping it minimal. AND TRUST FARHANA TO DIG IT OUT. Oh gosh. The relief to get to talk about it was really immense. So now, Qis Fana and Hamzah knows. Ok. No more. Keep it mum.

Sigh. I miss Fana alot come to think of it. And the rest too. Hurhur. It has to be that time of the month when melancholy just sweeps you like a tidal wave. =.=

Haha Fana I tried not to. Believe me I'm trying to stop it. Grr. Who knows what miracles could come by.

ofblack&white
8:58 PM

We've gotten a new coach for soccer, if I have not mentioned it. He is, I must say, SLIGHTLY dissapointing in the looks department but who cares; he's fast, he's cool and he is very professional with the way of coaching.

My results were satsifactory, though I am not at all pleased with my History results. I am aching all over. Think I pulled my calf muscle. Hell. Something fishy is going on these few days in school. I am confuzzled yet again.

Some j1 (Rachel's classmate) tied my hair and it was... =.= Nevermind Rachel looks more cuter with the do actually. Such a laugh yesterday.

It was outrageous that we were called back on a Saturday. i mean, whatever happened to the five-day week thing? Lol. I love Ms Huda's lectures. It's always so fresh and upbeat. In my opinion. Lol. Went breakfasting over at mac's with Jiamin and she treated me (I think). I spent half of my day holed up in my room with books and comics. Sigh.

It is time to start hitting the homeworks now. Boring... zzz.
And why do I need... you.

ofblack&white
4:18 PM

I am so worn out from soccer. My fitness is deteriorating. Like shit haha. And - no thanks to the sun - we have funny tan lines on our legs. So icky. Lol.

So yesterday was Valentine's, not that I made a big hoo-ha over it. School even celebrated it, my God. Many exchange of presents and such, but sadly I do not partake in such... frivolous activities for the sole reason that I do not celebrate it. But hennyways who cares. I gave a little heart cardboard with a hastily-written words I don't know if my friend liked it. Lol. It was quite a randomly pleasant day, with a randomly pleasant after.

(: I think. I ponder. They said pondering is bad but who cares. Let me be. I think you do. Smiles alot.

Oh Jiamin and I went out for lunch and two games of bowling. Lunch was funny. We never seemed to end in regaling each other with the most stupidest stories. Moral of the story; maids are plain weird so don't rely on them and do your own chores. I really felt like chucking my bowl into her face when she laughed, yes she actually LAUGHED, at the 'proposal' and asked why he's blind. =.= Ohwell.

Bowling was an even hilarious matter. I typed my name as "pretty" and hers as "ugly". Wrestled over the typing-thinger-whatsit. Start of game and I went to change my shoe since it was so loose I could slip my feet out without untying. And she uncannily changed the name. I was at the counter and thank God the person behind the counter told me about it. Well he was actually laughing at all the shenanigans of that woman. Jiamin was happily typing away and I asked him to change our names to what was previously. I can imagine that shock in her lol since the screen was working on its own. I laughed my ass off at her.
And i won both games. Yay.

Sorry I had to say no. There is always someone else in the heart.

ofblack&white
8:23 PM

Lol I finally tried tennis out today and it was fun! Far different than badminton but. It was fun. :)

Anyway my weekends was filled with family chalet. Endless bowling, pooling, arcade, food. Oh yes food. There's so much food, I'd died. On Saturday night our family dominated the bowling alley. We took four lanes, made the most annoying racket, and forced the personnel to allow us to play till 2.30, until the boss came and chase us out. Uncles, always the evil one, laughed at kak Farah's boyfriend when he cannot bowl. They howled out like a pack of ravaging hyenas.

Reached home at 3 in the morning on the Saturday, and 11+ nearing 12 on the Sunday. Took a terrible toll on me today. Get drowsy, woozy; in other words SLEEPY. Sigh.

My results were so far satisfactory. But I know that heavy dread of disappointment would be reserved specially for History. I beat you in both; and that made me ever happy.

Oh and yes. Yesterday I went to Chai Chee Seafood for the first time in many months and Asw was so shell-shocked to see me. I think he forgotten how I'd looked. :) Funny to exchange knowing smile. And funny to know that he was under my mom's nose. Lol.

ofblack&white
8:15 PM

I did not say I have gotten my Ghost deck yesterday. It was God-awfully smooth. It fans like a dream. So new so smooth so... aaahhh.

That bomberman game with Rachel Huiqi and their class was funny. Taidee-ed, and showed them the Voodoo Zone. Awesome magic. I showed it to my brother and dad too. And performed for some scrawny-but-nice-and-polite-looking-13-year-old boy just now. Haha I should capture that look in his face when I did the Trick Switch. The 'classic colour change', something else like the trick switch, and Voodoo Zone worked wonders too. Rocks.

Sigh. Kill this loneliness. I know when I am not needed anymore, and it hurts. =.=

ofblack&white
6:50 PM

Exhausting. Finally came the end of Common Test, quite a hectic 3-day thing, where I tried to cram my brains out with facts that were never meant to be remembered anyway. Sigh.

Naz Michlai Wil Ham and me went TM after our Humanities paper. This is a confirmed screwed-up paper. Can you imagine, we had attire check right before the paper, a kind request from our own Mr Tay I should think. Anyway we all wandered aimlessly waiting for restaurants to open to feast our little hearts out. Wil went to meet his grandma, we went LJS. Funny as we exchanged gossips, regailed each other with jokes, bitched about certain... pests and such. Much pesterings from Naz to get neoprints. Went ballistic at Robinson (was it Robinson) and I am so sorry that they had to lose face while window-shopping with me. ;p

Spent the day with them till 2, when I went of to meet Des. Took the wrong bus. There has to be something wrong with me always getting lost at Tampines housing estates. But it made me see Josh again. :) And highlight of the day of course was meeting Hazel. :) Lovelove. I reached home at 5 feeling happy with my newly-received goods.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!! =D I love her so so much. Gotten Michlai and Ham to sing her a birthday song. Funny how a year changed everything.

Exactly last year today. It had been officially the worse day. I thought my whole life was about to crumble. Haha. Be strong.
I actually wanted to... see you. Sigh.

I know Akira. :)

ofblack&white
11:20 PM

Mama flipped when I gave her the present Raq got for her. She was speechless, astounded, angry, surprised and happy all at one time. :) Lovely. It was really a funny thing. She wants to interrogate us; When we went out and when. Wow. Mothers are such a curious kin; and I thought kids are the only ones. Lol.

Economics was plain bitchy Economics. Lol. I was up late last night rushing through the notes and woe is me. Sigh. Lesson learnt; do not procratinate. Haha at least Mayyee was up late and accompanied me till 1. I think she died after. I slept for ten minutes during MCQ since my eyes were as heavy as elephants. Totally bummed. Essay was... =.= I did the question on Labour and typically it sucked.

Met after school to pass me the bag. Haha. Mama's reaction was really legendary one-of-a-kind thing. Anyway my day was boring after. Ate brunch and slept till 2. We met again to have some waffles with Mama on tow. It was funny exchanging knowing looks when she was talking about the georgeous Crumpler carrier you will get if you spend more than 140$, when all along it was in my bag. He was nice to give it to me. :)

Sleepy. History time. I doubt I would have the time to sleep tonight.
Sutdy hard people.

ofblack&white
4:18 PM

Start of Common Test, I panicked like anything. I studied GP on the bus, and I am so grateful that I studied the right topic; Globalisation which came out. Yay? Maybe not for I was terribly distracted by what I am seeing. Lol. Math was... Math. I completed all the questions. Nothing to distract me, I did the paper like a machine. But oh dear. I fear for careless mistakes, which I always seemed to have in abundance. =.=

"BOO!" and she died again. Hahaha see her face go red. Met with Rachel and threesome went to J8 for dued lunch. Epitome of ugliness, at least i don't wear a car seat. We were all giggling like earthworms at the bus stop and the way to. I was harrassed for the sheer reason of orangeness. Sigh.Some toilet frenzy; knocked and find ourselves in great embarrassment.

Swensens' and Alvin joined us. I love the banana spilt after my fish and chips. I hate maggots ok? Walked around and around like lost sheep. Many laughs and I was in some humiliating situation once again by Alvin when the shop keeper saw me with my hands up above my head like a full-fledged idiot. Sigh. I was just fending him away from the mirror.

Ok day I guess? Slept like some limp rice sack on the way home. Aaah. So tired. What a tiring day, and guess what; my Economics still lies in the dust. Gosh. We made another bet; hope I win this time round.

I swear it was reciprocrated. You wait and see. Everyday brought me surprises.

ofblack&white
6:43 PM

I was pissed as a parrot yesterday. Maybe it might be the hormones rolling.

I feel so hopeless; for I know that I am going to fail for my CTs which starts (drumrolls) TOMORROW. And I haven't properly finished (more like started) on anything. Woe is me.

I bought 2 pants for 80$ yesterday it was a steal. Having some promotions. Not my money actually, my Dad's. But it doesn't really matter who pays right? LauPaSat for dinner. Quite crowded, partly due to the ongoing Chingay Parade. Lol. It was an exhasuting yesterday. To control my temeperament. Sheeshness.

I want to get a new pencil case. Mine is all dirty and nearly torn at come places. Boo.

Tensed. I don't know who to side with. There's always arguments in the weekends. I hate weekends.

ofblack&white
1:12 PM

Pimples I could DEFINITELY do without, just appeared in a rush. Gosh it felt like weeds on the field; if only I could fine a power lawnmower. Sheesh.

We sort-of celebrated Rachel's birthday with a lunch at Pizza Hut. It was funny. Towards the end, tiny ices sped all over the place hitting everybody else. We sang her (though badly coordinated) a song. Haha.
"OHMYGOD ILI DID YOU JUST WINKED AT ME?!"
That is very lame k.

Lessons was, I would say, ok for the day. I felt like a bundle of energy ready to run and frolick around. That awfully familiar grogginess only hit me during Math, which was last lesson. So exciting no?

I do not know what else to say. Lol. Part of me wanted to go but part of me said no because I know somehow I might not fit in in the midst of conversations. Aaahh.

Good night. :)

ofblack&white
9:56 PM

I don't know if anyone have the scruples I have. Sigh.

Anyway we took a cab to Paragon, and hit the Ferragamo boutique. I promised not to look at the price till it is confirmed that we are getting it. And when I did I hit the roof! LOL. 749$, but it is pretty.

Lunched at Breeks, much jokes and such. We saw a nearly-porno woman walking in semi-transparent WHITE tube. It was gross I tell you. Even if she is a white woman, it is still... urgh. Gross. She's practically topless.

Walked around Taka for a mo and to my horror, that idiot bought me a bag. From ProjectShop, which screamed 72.90$. I was guilty, very guilty, yet happy haha. New bag eh. But still. I feel like wacking someone. =.=

So we went to collect the wrapped Ferragamo and visited Crumpler; and he's gotten himself a purple Barney Rustle Blanket. I suggested red but he said it looked... urgh on him. LOL. Toys R Us to find his batmobile. Gosh. Lucky there wasn't any. Walked all the wa to Borders to find cycling magazines. But there was not any there. Poor thing.

Sent me home in a cab. How nice. And I'm home now. And I didn't spent a single cent. I am seriously guilty about it.

And I'm guilty about the other things. Sheeeesh.

ofblack&white
5:47 PM

I bet brightcitylights is sick of seeing me in here everyday. Maybe I'll revert to my eljay for a moment. Hikki-san would love it.

Anyway an egg-citing day in school, if you would so believe it. At least I didn't DIE sleeping eh? Rushed off to NTUC after school with Mayyee, and I bought 9.55$ worth of... junkies. Lol. Mom gave a 10$ NTUC voucher and I well... made full use of it. Did I not? I got myself a red-backed Bee. 4.58$. I'm spending money like water, I think I should scream.

Went back TK and had a wonderful chat with Sir Juff. He bought me that keychain! Hilarious looking springy thing. Can't wait to show them tomorrow. Lol only I can predict too well what comments I would be getting.

Tomorrow. :) Hope it goes well. Oh yah Hamzah, if you're reading this, let me tell you that the feeling is fading. :D Be happy for me ok.

ofblack&white
6:05 PM